This draft intends to extend stroke theory and to make
easier to define some appearances of nowadays individual society, particularly
non quality strokes that overwhelm us, act alienating and make us addictive to
them - Junk strokes.
1. Recently I had proposal to extend Berne’s definition of stroke as
“unit of social recognition” into “unit of life recognition” or “unit of
recognition between living beings”. Reasons:
● We
can stroke ourself
● We
can stroke a dog, receive stroke from him and even develop empathy
● We
can stroke a flower in a pot and feel well when we recognize that our stroke makes good to it
2. Every stroke carry importance message, whether we stroke
loved one, enemy, ourself, fish in aquarium or rose in the garden. Verbal or
physical, desired or unwanted, conditional or unconditional, positive or
negative, pleasure or painful, low or high intensity... every stroke in some
level is carrying message: "You are important". We all need to be
loved, thats meant important to someone - and that is impossible if we dont recieve srokes from him/her. Lack of strokes/being important cause us to do
various weird things - and I think most end up playing games. Beside and under
that, there are lot of available stroke sources in consumer society which gives
us an instant stroke/pleasure, but in essence never give long term
satisfaction: shopping, internet and its colorful
corners, TV (realities, quizzes, series, commercials...), food abuse, luxury,
body building, vanity, sex,..... and as crown legal and illegal drugs. Any
stroke who’s purpose is only instant pleasure is Junk stroke. Those strokes have
no essence and carry no message: “You are important”. Person who is asking for
such strokes by default DON’T has “I am OK” attitude.
Example: SEX
If two people who share some
feelings have sex, this sex action makes them to feel pleasure but also has important
function - building relationship, having a baby, etc. Both parties are giving
message “you are important to me, and I want you to feel well” to each other.
But, if two persons don’t have any feelings to other, by doing sex they only
want instant pleasure and nothing more. Both parties are sharing message: “I
want to feel well, and you are device for that (implicitly - you are not important)”. Such SEX can lead to
addiction, not the one based on feelings.
3. Stroke has its form and essence which determine stroke
sense. Sense of quality stroke is life itself - survival or enhancement of life
quality. Sense of bad stroke (for example unconditional negative stroke or
discounting) is degradation of life, and sense of junk stroke is pleasure
without essence that could become addictive (Allport, Functional autonomy of
motives), so again degradation of life, just with addiction and usually with
illusion of a good life.
4. Congruency of stroke is determined by relation of its form
and essence. Junk stroke is extremely incongruent: form = something (shiny, glittering, attractive), essence =
nothing. Most quality strokes are highly congruent: form matches its essence, or
“what you see is what you get”.
5. Stroke form causes short term feel, and stroke essence
causes long term feel. Junk stroke have no essence, so it brings just momentarily
pleasure.
6. Hunger for strokes forces us to ask them from
environment, or to give them to ourself. If we, one way or the other, provide
ouself Quality stroke - Warm Fuzzy, we will satisfy stroke hunger for some
time. On contrary, if we provide ourself Junk stroke, we will have pleasure and
momentarily illusion of hunger satisfaction, but right after that hunger stays
which forces us to raise quantity of Junk, and so on.
7. Stroke phases are:
I. motivation
(wish or urge)
II. intention
(conscious decision to do or give up)
III. planning
(stroke way depends on it’s purpose)
IV. giving
(word, song, present, kick)
V. media
(eye contact, touch, paper, email, fb)
VI. receiving
(or ignore)
VII. accepting (or
reject)
VIII.
digesting (need some time for effectively use of
stroke)
IX. feeling
(satisfaction, guilt... - also need time)
8. Lets imagine we have some particular stoke, which is good
by origin intention. If in some stroke phase happen decomposition or splitting
of form and essence, that stroke, initially Warm fuzzy, can (not necessary) become
Junk stroke.
FB example one: media allow only 7% of carrying information
over text (Albert Mehrabian), so people feel that lack and use some crutches
(LOL, WOW, likes, smiles...) to amplify intensity of information they are
trying to place. Unfortunately, that
amplification is one-dimensional, and it relates only to intensity, and not to
quality. In this phase, it can easily happen splitting of form and essence,
just because of bad communication path. Further phases (receiving, accepting,
digesting and feeling) can not reassemble those and that stroke can not have
efficiency of a good stroke. Depend on essence obstruction level, that stroke
could be Junk stroke.
FB example two: big quantity could lead to decomposition of
form and essence in digesting phase, because digesting phase simply need some
time, which is in deficit in FB ocean of strokes. Subject receives message
(WOW, Amazing, Great), but don't have time to digest message “You are very
important to me” and to feel satisfaction.
FB example three: stroke quality in a way depends on effort
invested in it which is embed in first four stroke phases (wish, intention,
planning, giving). FB offers much effortless ways to give strokes, so users use
that, and such strokes are devastated from authenticity. What importance
intensity could carries note: Your friend call you to join in Farmwille?
FB example four: chronic lack of good stroke forces us to
lower our criteria and to receive and accept all strokes. Accepting all strokes
reduces our ability to recognize good stroke and so on.
FB conclusion: not all FB strokes are junk. To give/receive
good stroke in FB world you have to:
a) ignore various FB features, invest some effort and be
authentic (phases: wish, intention, planning, giving)
b) be already intimate with your correspondent, or at least
be on same frequencies, so he can have good assumption of remaining 93% of
message that FB rejects. If you are not on same frequency, at least be aware of
that (media phase)
c) filter message which you received and ignore junk. Processes
received and decide if you want to reject or accept (receiving and accepting
phases)
d) invest some time to experience stroke and to feel what
stroke intend you to feel. If you do good filtering, you will have time for
that, even in FB world (digesting and feeling phases)
9. Some people suggest that facebook strokes are better than
no strokes. I would challenge this thought. Using same logic we can say that
heroin stroke is better that no stroke. In some limited context that can be
true for sure - if only two options are to give heroin to junkie or let him
fall from the bridge of course you will do whatever to save him or at least
extend his life for a while. But that is choice of that moment, and in next
moment, hour, month you will definitely have more life(ly) ways for stroking that
man than previous two. So simply, we can not answer to question “are FB strokes
better than nothing”, if we cant answer why we need strokes for. If we need
junk strokes just to overcome a hard day, junk strokes can help. But, if we
need strokes to fill holes in our personality and to have better picture of
ourselves, than junk strokes can act like pink glasses and make illusion that
we are OK. Of course, we cannot really hide from real life, so from time to
time we must confront with our real picture in mirror, and in face of any
junkie including FB, that picture says: I am not OK. In this second case, case
of FB addict, I would say that FB strokes are not better than no strokes. There
are plenty of strokes everywhere and we need to relearn how to recognize them.
First step for that is abstinence of junk strokes - Junk Stroke Economy.
Conclusion: Junk strokes are important concept in nowadays
society because it is inevitable element in any addiction, whether social
accepted or not. They don’t have capability to develop addiction without
addiction radix: attachment problems, script, injunctions and drivers, but we
also can say that addiction couldn’t develop without Junk strokes. I hope that
introduction of a quality term in Stroke Theory could decrease and also help
diagnosing and therapy of addiction problem.
Нема коментара:
Постави коментар